I listened to a podcast this morning about women judging other women, or just judging people in general. This is not to say that men don’t judge as well, but by nature, women tend to be a little more judgmental (in my opinion, anyway). I try so hard not to judge people, but I’m human and I find myself mentally judging others at times. I know it isn’t kind or right, but it happens. Before I had kids, I judged moms so hard. I would stare at the moms who had screaming kids in Wal-Mart and I would give the stink eye to parents with whiney kids at restaurants. I’d feel like they were rude because their kid was ruining my dining experience. I had a whole list of “my kid will never do (fill in the blank)“ and an even longer list of “when I’m a parent, I will never__________________________________.” Those lists make me laugh now. And kind of cringe, if I’m being honest. As much as we teach manners and kindness in my home, trust me, if my almost three year old sees Shopkins or Peppa freaking Pig in Wal-Mart she goes nuts. She wants them and doesn’t understand why I won’t buy her every single thing she wants. I now, at times, have that screaming toddler in my cart. I said I’d never co-sleep. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Thank God for a king size bed is all I have to say about that. My point is, I judged moms who did things that I thought I would do differently. Stupid. I have no place or right to tell a mother how she should parent her kid and especially not to judge them.
I’ve judged women for what they were wearing. I’ve said to myself, and probably to others, “Does she not own a mirror?” But I’ve also said things like, “She is way prettier than I could ever dream of being and I could never wear that outfit.” You see, sometimes even “friendly” judging is hurtful. Not just to others, but to ourselves. I mean, let’s be real. There ARE some things that certain people just shouldn’t wear. If I know what your private parts look like, your shorts are probably too short. Just saying.
I’ve judged the way women keep their homes. Again, before I had kids, I said I’d never be caught dead with dishes in my sink or house that wasn’t clean. I do think it’s important to take care of your things, but I don’t have the time or energy to dust and vacuum every day. And if toys scattered across my entire home make you uncomfortable, well sorry but we live here. This isn’t a home being staged for a magazine photo shoot. My actual children play and live here, so if you choose to spend an afternoon in the Cortez household, please watch your step because there will 100% guaranteed be toys on the floor. I don’t want to be the woman that people are afraid to invite over because they fear I’ll judge their home. I promise you, I won’t even see the mess. Your mess will make me feel more at home probably!! Now, we do have a habit of picking things up before bed, but again, my house always looks lived in. I’ve been on the other end of this judging thing, too. I have people in my life that I would crap my actual pants if they showed up unannounced because their judging eyes would just be too much for me.
Because I’ve judged others in the past, it is extremely easy to feel like other women are judging me. And they probably are. It’s so easy to do. I used to never leave the house without makeup, because without mascara I truly look like a lizard with those big buggy eyes. I still worry about what women think of my weight, my hair, my clothes. I find myself wanting to buy, buy, buy so I have the latest trendy clothing, and then that’s not enough. I got my hair cut this summer and, God love her, the girl cut off at least 4-5 inches more than what I asked. You guys, I cried. I bawled for three days. Over hair. Hair that grows. And I mostly cried because I was so scared of what people were going to think about me. I even told myself that this would be the worst summer ever because I wasn’t gonna be able to leave my house because of my HAIR. GET A GRIP, RACHEL! I worry constantly about my weight and that women think I’m fat. I’ve lost over 100 lbs and I still worry about being fat. I have no idea if women are judging me because of how I look, but because I’ve been “one of those women” before, I find it hard to convince myself that I’m not being judged at all times.
I truly want to be the kind of woman that is known for having an open home, open arms, open mind, and open heart. I want you to know that even if you don’t believe the same as I do, I still love you. When Jesus said to love others like he loves us, do you realize that His love isn’t based on conditions? If you’re a Christian, I love ya. If you aren’t, I love you too! If you go to my church, I love you. If you go to the Catholic church across town, I love you too!!! If you are gay, I love you. If your skin isn’t the same color as mine, I love you. If you feed your kid lunchables or if you only eat organic, I love you either way. If you enjoy an adult beverage from time to time, let me know and I’ll bring over my favorite wine next time I visit. If you don’t drink alcohol, that’s perfectly okay, too!!! If you vaccinate your kids, guess what? I do too! If you don’t vaccinate your kids, I still love you. I’m so sick of people trying to push THEIR beliefs onto other people. You do you. YOU worry about YOU. And continue to LOVE others even if they do life a little differently than you. Do I think their needs to be accountability amongst women? Yes. In the podcast I listened to earlier, she talked about how accountability comes from a place of LOVE. It’s important to be able to lovingly sit down with your girl friends and hold them accountable. Don’t judge someone or point fingers or gossip about others and then call it “praying for them.” Judging comes from a place of hatred. Maybe it’s self-hatred that has stirred up a judging spirit within you. Maybe you grew up in a judgmental home. Whatever the reason, there is always time to start over with a fresh, new mind. Will I continue to have days where I judge others? Sure. But I pray that I’m convicted quickly and that God will renew a RIGHT spirit within ME. Not the person I’m judging, but ME. I want to be known for my love for others, not as a judgmental woman.
So my challenge to you is this: next time you find yourself starting to judge someone for WHATEVER reason, instead ask God to show you how to love that person RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE. You often have no clue what that person is dealing with. Maybe they’re wearing those clothes because that’s all they can afford. Maybe their child has special needs and the only way they know how to react to loud noises in public places is to flap their hands. Maybe their house is a mess because they chose to play with their kid instead of clean. Who cares, anyway? We don’t need a reason to not judge. Be known for your love towards others.