Sex. There I said it. I’m about to write about the “S” word. So if the subject of sex weirds you out, you might want to just stop right here and pick up this month’s issue of Country Living instead because I read it last night and it’s fabulous. And it didn’t say anything about sex.
Anyway. Back to sex. Sex is awesome. It’s great. It’s a wonderful thing. And while I will admit that it’s a beautiful thing that God intended for two people that love each other to share, I haven’t always viewed sex as such. As most of you know, I work in a public school. I’m with 5th graders all day long and we share a restroom with pretty much all grades, kindergarten to even eighth graders. In the very last stall, someone with terrible handwriting scribbled the word SEX. When I saw it a few days ago, at first I thought to myself, “Gosh, how rude. Kids these days just don’t understand the importance of respecting others property.” And then my second thought was this: Obviously, whoever scribbled “SEX” onto the side of the paint chipped stall must have a completely and totally misconstrued idea of what sex really is. It made me wonder if their mom or dad had talked to them about the birds and the bees or if their definition of sex had come from playground chatter. I do remember my mom telling me in 3rd grade what sex was….like what a man a woman do. But as far as sex being sacred, being an intimate bond between one man and one woman, I don’t really remember that talk. I’m sure she told me at some point but sex, to me, was just something you did when you got married. And I was raised being taught that you didn’t have sex before marriage because it was bad. Because you would go to hell. Because people would talk bad about you. I had a horrible stigma attached to the “S” word. I was the kid writing “SEX” in the bathroom stall because I thought it was bad.
So at the ripe ‘ol age of 19, I had a boyfriend. Said boyfriend was in the military. We’d known each other our entire lives. Our families grew up together. He was my “boy next door.” When we started dating, I was 16 and he was 18. Our families weren’t surprised. They even joked that we’d get married. Well, being what most teenage relationships are, we broke up a few times, he went to boot camp and then was stationed in Japan. So we had basically zero foundation to grow on. At 19 and 21, neither one of us had a clue as to what we were doing with our lives long term and really didn’t have much of a plan as far as a future together. An already rocky relationship kept getting worse and in my mind, I could only think of one thing that would make him want to stay with me. Sex. So we did it. And guess what. I’m 27 now and we never did get married. Matter of fact, it was about two or three months after I gave in that we broke up for the last time. I was pretty much heart broken because I thought for sure that I was a terrible person and the one thing that I thought I’d never ever do, I’d done. I was a bad person. So then I just kind decided that since I was already a bad person, well what would one more person make me? An even worse person? I was already bad. So I had sex with another guy. And he didn’t marry me. Heck, he didn’t even want to date me really. So I moved on to the next guy. Surely if I gave into him, he’d date me, right? He did……for a while. And then we broke up. And so the disgusting cycle went. For several years. Now, let me stop for just a second and remind you all of The Valentine’s Day Teacher. I will forever and always have so much respect and appreciation for him. In that crazy mess of my life, he loved me for me and never once made me feel like I HAD to have sex with him to be his girlfriend. He’s an amazing person, inside and out and I’m a better person for having dated him.
So. Now here I am. One hundred and three days into a relationship with an incredible man people call Chip. I’m about to get real honest with you, as though I haven’t been already. Chip and I have decided to wait. Not because I feel like we’ll be “bad” for having sex before marriage. Not really even for biblical reasons. Chip and I are waiting because I’ve never once waited with anyone else. Heck, being in a relationship hasn’t always been a requirement for me to have sex with someone. Sometimes, I’ve just done it because I wanted to and I could. Because I knew I was good at it and that’s what the man wanted and that’s how I’d possibly keep him around…..for a while anyway. And I’m going to admit that 103 days later, I still have moments where I wonder why the heck Chip wants to keep me around, because after all, I’m making the poor guy wait.
We love to play board games. Boy are we both competitive so sometimes the games get heated!! We were playing Wahoo a couple nights ago and as I waited on him to make his move, I just sat there and thought about how incredibly lucky I am to have a man that will play board games with me instead of have sex with me. Holy crap. What guy does that? I’ll tell you what kind. A man that respects me. One that loves me. One that values me as more than a person that only offers sex. He takes time every single day to learn something new about me. He spends time with my family. He teaches my nephew how to rope. He sees the worth in me that no other man has ever seen. And I love him for it.
I’m not pointing fingers. I’m not calling anyone out. I’m just telling my story. A very condensed version, but unfiltered, nonetheless. My point is this: Sex is a wonderful thing. I’ve had a lot of it. And I’m not bragging. Quite the contrary. When I think about it, I feel disgusting. But thank God for second chances and for a man that is willing to wait. And to help me wait. There are moments that I feel sad that sex isn’t something that I can share with just him. It’s not something that I can give to JUST him because I’ve given that part of me away to other men. But you know what’s really cool? There is something that we CAN give to just each other. And that is the simple act of waiting….of taking time to get to know each other……playing hours and hours of board games until we’re laughing so hard we’re crying….evenings filled with fishing and grilling out…..holding hands while we drive down back roads eating sunflower seeds. I’ve never waited with another man. And that’s something that I can give to just him.
I love you, Chip. Thanks for being the only man that made me wait.