He Loves Me

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I remember being a little girl on the playground at South School, sitting in a circle with my friends in the grass. Miranda and Christin, Kassie and Ashley. And there was Stephanie who we all thought was the coolest kid on the playground because she had a sugar glider for a pet. All I had was a hermit crab. Anyway. I remember playing the game “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” with the flowers we’d find on the soccer field and I remember the anxious feeling I’d have in the pit of my stomach, my heart racing 90 to nothing, pitter-pat-pitter-pat, as I pulled each petal off the stem. We’d all sit in anticipation, crossing our fingers (and sometimes our toes!) because the last petal we pulled would most certainly determine our fate. Did Jonathan Taylor Thomas love us or did he not?

Fast forward a couple twenty years. I haven’t seen most of those girls in a really long time. Stephanie is probably working for Animal Planet or something. Christin and I still talk on a daily basis but it’s been quite a while since we’ve pulled any petals off flowers and I canceled my subscription to the Jonathan Taylor Thomas fan club a long time ago.

I was listening to Pandora as I got ready for work this morning and a song called I Need You to Love me by Barlow Girl started playing. There’s a line in the song that says, “You have all things and still You want me.” I almost forgot I was curling my hair as I stood there, just staring at myself in the mirror. I know that God loves me. I don’t doubt that. But when I heard those words, that He has everything He could possibly want, yet He still wants me, it really began to put things in to perspective. He deserves every mountain falling, every ocean reaching, every nation rising, all of heaven singing His worth, but what He wants most is my love. I heard those lines in a song once and as I continued getting ready this morning, they played over and over in my mind. He doesn’t require anything fancy, and thank God because I’m far from it. He doesn’t ask that I always have it together, and I’m thankful for that, too, because the only time I’m not a mess is when I’m sleeping. His heart aches for mine and all he asks is that I come as I am. He loves me and His love will endure forever and what he wants most is my love.

Psalm 86:15 But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit.

What an incredible promise. I’ll never have to rely on pulling petals off a flower to determine whether or not God loves me. I’m still waiting on JTT to call me, but I heard he got fat anyway. Serves him right for not answering my fan mail!

Thanks for always loving me, even though You see all my imperfections. Even in all my shame, You still want me. I’m undeserving but You call me Your own. I pray I always show love in the way that You’ve shown love to me. Amen

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