Peculiar Time

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The kids are at Specials. I’m craving a pot of coffee (read: I’m so tired). I’m glad the weather is crisp today. I’m glad Autumn is upon us.

Do you ever stop what you’re doing and think back to exactly a year ago? For instance, what were you doing on September 18, 2011? It would’ve been a Sunday. I think it’s safe to say I know exactly what I would’ve been doing. I was probably helping put duck blinds or decoys together, preparing for the several months of non-stop hunting. If I wasn’t doing something that involved duck hunting, I was probably doing something that involved bow season, you know, like retrieving arrows or something along those lines. What an exciting life I was living at the time. Please note sarcasm. I don’t know, there’s a part of me that misses all that. Maybe not so much the hunting in particular, I was never directly involved in the hunt, but I do miss the thrill of helping someone get ready for it all and I miss the happiness I felt that came with them being so excited. Now, I knew it was a different story if the hunt didn’t go well, but I also knew that my home made chili and cinnamon rolls worked wonders on a man’s broken heart after a day spent in the blinds or ice cold water.
I’m not feeling sad or sorry for myself. I’m not really sure what I’m feeling. I guess it’s just that when you become so accustomed to something and then it’s just no longer a part of your life, your left with a peculiar feeling. Your left with this thought of “I feel like I should be doing something right now but I’m not sure what it is…” and that’s just….I don’t know. Well I’m sounding very profound today. A lot of “I don’t knows” swirling around my brain. Actually, my brain kind of hurts. It’s hard for the rest of my body to keep up with a mind that is full of thoughts racing leaps and bounds ahead….
I wonder where I’ll be in one year on September 18? Who will I know? How will this year have shaped me into what I am a year from now? Who the heck knows?!?! One day at a time.
As for today, you won’t find me pulling grass on a duck boat or making any last minute trips to Cabellas. You won’t find me throwing decoys to Gus, the most gorgeous and hard working lab on earth.
Nope, you’ll find me right here, sitting behind a desk, wishing I hadn’t worn heels to work today.
–rach

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