When I walk through the valley of weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessings collect after the rains.
How honest am I allowed to be in writing these blogs? I don’t know what the rules are, but a wise woman once told me, “Rules are made to be broken.” Or at least that’s what I think she said. Either way, I’m pretty much an open book, as you know. I’ve put my life on blast for the last month and honestly, I’ve done it in hopes that what I’m walking through will help someone else. And if it doesn’t, well it’s helped me just getting all my thoughts out on paper. Or on screen. Whatever.
Today sucked. I’m just going to be honest. And isn’t it ironic that JUST yesterday, I wrote about having a “lovely day……??” I told you, I’m a work in progress!! My morning pretty much started out with 20 preschoolers who, I swear, had been given four cups of coffee, Mt. Dew, and a ten pound bag of sugar by their parents before coming to school. NONE of them would “put on their listening ears” or “put a bubble in their mouth.” (Gotta love the terminology we use with four year olds.) Mornings like these make me want to overdose on birth control. HA. I’m kidding. But seriously, they were wired. It was like every procedure, rule, or routine they’d ever learned went straight out the window and they looked at me like I was speaking Chinese. Maybe the heat has gotten to us all. I don’t know, but what a morning.
I should have stopped what I was doing, taken some deep breaths, regained my composure…..something, but I didn’t. But hey, I wouldn’t have had anything to write about tonight had I done that, so that’s one way to look at it, right? HA. Anyway, let’s just say that things didn’t get much better after I got home from work and the next thing I knew, I was sitting at a road side park off the highway crying my eyes out…..you know, the ugly cry. The one where you feel like your eye balls are gonna explode out of your head and you have snot everywhere, even in your hair (You guys have had that happen, too, right?? I thought so. I’m glad we had this talk.). I called my mom and attempted to tell her what was going on through sobs and snots and hiccups and finally she told me, “Rachel, you’re gonna have to pull yourself together. I know you’re hurting, but pull yourself together.” And she was right. Moms are great at that kind of stuff, no matter how old you are. She reminded me that I’ve been working really hard on getting my priorities straight in life and crying like this and focusing on my hurt wasn’t going to get me any further down this road of healing. When I run, I like to find a landmark or a sign in front of me to use as my goal. When I get to that point, I can slow my pace down, or I can stop for water, etc. And the only time I allow myself to look behind me is to see how far I’ve come. When I see the progress I’ve made, that’s what pushes me the next mile. That’s how I have to approach what I’m dealing with in my life right now. You guys, I haven’t hurt as much as I did today in a really, really long time. I let my morning get to me, I was in a bad mood and let my guard down. I let things get to me that I shouldn’t have and I began to worry about things that I really don’t have any control over. But thank God for my mother and for friends that I can call and trust that they will be honest in reminding me what I need to do and showing me some tough love. And you know what, tomorrow is a brand, spankin’ new day.
Choices. We are faced with hundreds of them every day. Today, I made some no bueno ones. The great thing though, is that I’ve still got several hours left in today and I can make the most of them. I’m headed to Julie’s to eat some crab legs and, honestly people, how can that not make a girl happy? And tomorrow I fly to Baltimore to spend some time with my two of my favorite cousins. I’ve got so much to be thankful for and happy about. I really, really do.
Sorry about the visual image of snot in my hair. I promise it was just as ugly in person.
Love you guys,